you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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