Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
