The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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