Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
