I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
