So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize