No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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