my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
