Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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