Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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