When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
