It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
