i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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