I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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