Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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