eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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