Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
