What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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