Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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