Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize