it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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