No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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