Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize