booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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