It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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