So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
