So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
