you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
