So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
