I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
