guys are only as good as the porn they watch
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
