Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
