Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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