people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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