mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
