You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
