the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
