Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
