Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have post one night stand depression
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