Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
