There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
