We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
