when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
