Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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