He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
