i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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