The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
