Please don't use social media to get back at me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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