Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
