dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
