me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
