her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
