Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
