Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
