I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Farmville is her only friend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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