gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
