..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
