There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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