i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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