he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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