i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
