I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
