Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
