So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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