I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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