so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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